Here it is folks!! The event you've all been waiting for. The 9000th Annual Tice-Medellin Thanksgiving Morning MTB Ride. The longest running MTB ride in the world!! Yes I said 9000th even though the exact date of the first ride has been lost to history.
This ride has been attended by many notable luminaries from throughout history. From ancient Biblical figures to Roman emperors the list is long and distinguished.
Due to some recent translations of the Dead Sea Scrolls it's been confirmed that many ancients knew about and attended the Annual Thanksgiving Ride on South Mountain. Moses parting the Red Sea to escape slavery in Egypt. Not so! He was actually trying to attend one of the first Thanksgiving MTB rides. Joshua blowing his horn to bring down the walls of Jericho. Actually Joshua blew the horn when he was able to clean the Superman climb during a past Thanksgiving morning ride.
Popular thought has Julius Caesar crossing the Rubicon to confront the Roman Senate, NOT SO! Caesar was trying to find his way to South Mountain for the Thanksgiving ride.
Nero fiddling while Rome burned. A common misconception. Actually Nero was practicing his track stands in anticipation of the Thanksgiving morning MTB ride.
And of course we'll have our famous pre-ride activities.
* Watch Rich Chug - always a crowd favorite. Place bets on how long Rich can chug beer without vomiting. As a safety precaution last years steel dome has been reinforced with two feet of concrete to protect spectators from the highly corrosive effects of Rich's digestive tract (editors note: This event has been canceled due to a lack of insurance coverage. The insurance underwriters tested a small sample from last year and even with the added concrete they have refused coverage. Their analysis included the terms - "unprecedented destructive potential" and "Unholy abomination from the depths of hell").
* Quiet Time With Bernie - see how long Bernie can remain quiet. We are trying this event one more time. In past years modern science has utterly failed to measure how long (or short) Bernie can remain quiet. Atomic clocks, particle accelerators, graviton detectors all failed to measure up. This year we've recruited a crack team of physicists from MIT and Cal Tech to help devise
a solution to our timing problem. We are confident this year's event will be a success (editor's note: After meeting Bernie our scientific team had to be restrained for their own safety and we are hopeful that they will eventually be reintegrated into society once they recover from what appears to be schizophrenia brought on by severe PTSD).
Back by popular demand the grand prize is a newly "used" tomato kindly donated by Bernie. Please ignore any CDC or bio-hazard warnings on the packaging.
So don't miss out on this event. There's even talk that old man Tice will make an appearance.
9:00 a.m. meeting at the South Mountain Park parking lot on top of South Mountain across from the OLD Channel 39 offices. This is a social ride suitable for all abilities.